Because He Cleans My Messes

Mornings at our house can go smoothly or be chaos. Yesterday started out pretty perfect. All the kids ready twenty minutes before the bus gets here and I had my workout in for the day.

Then she couldn’t find her glasses. Anywhere. We all looked. Like her mother, she got a little spastic, took it out on everyone and now we were in full blown chaos.

I went into her room and almost blew a gasket. How could it look like that if they “just cleaned it”.  A few moving of items and I unlocked the secret hiding place for all things “we don’t know where it goes”. Under the bed is where I am assuming all lost shoes for the last year  they “looked every where for” lay hidden. And then I started:

“If you would pull your head out of your butt”.

“You aren’t going anywhere this weekend and if you ask you’re grounded”

“You two call this clean, you’ll be cleaning all weekend.”

She found them knocked under the bed moments before the bus pulled up.

Nice morning turned ugly. I love those days.

I went on with my morning. I was pretty proud all of all I had accomplished in a short time. I fixed my lunch and sat down at my computer to work. I was looking for a coding sheet on my board when I saw my goals I had posted for the year.

Do Hard Things was my motto. I did them. I still had many more to accomplish but in the last thirty days God has asked me take my goals off myself and point them towards Him. It has been life changing. I remembered our Pastor’s message from Sunday. He talked about being bold. He said our life goal should be so people say “You remind me of Jesus”. It hit me hard.

I was thinking of how I could change my goal board to have that quote canceling out the others I had set. My mind lasts a few seconds on each thought. Then I catch myself thinking about how life looks when our goal is reminding people of Jesus. My goals can get big like feeding the homeless, traveling to save children in a trafficked world (just saw a job description for that) and then I felt like He said, “clean their room”.

Clean their room? I have asked them every day to make sure it is picked up. There are more clothes on the floor than in their closet and dresser combined.

Clean their room. Remind them of Jesus.

Sometimes I want to save the world and some pretty awesome little people get lost in translation. I can show the outside Jesus but the insiders need it more.

I remembered Jesus cleaned my mess. Messes I made intentionally. Messes I tried to hide.

At 15 I wanted to be a missionary. At 16 I took step after step off that narrow road. I was reminded of that this month with a speaker that was brought into the schools. As I watched teenagers flood the gym floor to get back on the narrow road, I fought back tears. I wanted to stand up and beg them to stay on there and don’t leave. It’s worth it.

I wasn’t going to clean under the bed. I thought they should at least do that.

Clean the hiding places.

He reminded me of a few summers ago as I sat outside at midnight. I had a book, a bible and alcohol. I was either going to get drunk and lost or we were going to clean out the hiding places. The places I stuffed those things I didn’t understand. The place we bandage the deep hurts, deep wounds, the cuts that keep bleeding.

I looked up and in the window sill was a picture of Lauren and Haley at the ages of three and two. We had family picture taken. It was Barney’s idea and I was fighting him on them. I didn’t want them. I just wanted the girls. I had no intentions of being family with him.

Jesus cleaned up my mess. He cleaned the places I was hiding.

I have never cleaned a messy bedroom with thankful tears before. I am not sure I have ever cleaned happy before.

That summer night God landed me on a passage. One I have heard many times before but that day it was a promise from him.

We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to his purpose ~ Romans 8:28

All the why’s of messes I made and the why’s of the messes that landed in my lap he promised to work them for good. Did I have consequences? Yes. Are they painful? Absolutely.

I began to pull them out one by one and hand them over to Him. Finally at 2 am, still sober (in case you’re stressing out) and extremely puffy eyed, I went to bed. The next day our Sunday School lesson was on holding onto bitterness and releasing forgiveness. I think it was just in case I thought he was kidding the night before.

I love how he writes stories. I can go back and read chapters and see his love in my mess and feel his grace in my chaos. He knows my heart can stray and he always leads me home.

I finished the girl’s room and I was pretty proud. We still need to figure out how to sort through all of the clothes and the shoes that don’t fit. It’s not completely done, like some chapters in my story. I thought the lesson was over as I carried the box of shoes and the basket of clothes to the laundry room. They were the unfinished things I would need the girls to tell what still fit.

Unfinished things. I had to set the basket down. This next step was rough.

Then I asked him when that chapter would finally be finished, the chapter started 15 years ago. The one with each one of her birthdays  (and it will be this week) reminds me of how much has been missed and so much has been lost. The one I thought by now would have started a new chapter.

He reminds me he is God. He can fix all things broken, all things lost, and messes that seem too big. He worked the other things in my life for good and he promises to continue.  His grace is sufficient for me. His timing is perfect. He's still writing that chapter. He still has a plan.

I didn’t know what to say to the girls. I didn’t want it to be about me cleaning the room. I just left a note on the door.

Jesus taught so many lessons through parables. He continues to teach me through my own story. May my story be a reminder of Jesus.