I was supposed to be laid off last November from my grant paid job due to it not being renewed. I planned to spend my unemployment getting my life together, organizing my house, losing weight, and joining a month long novel writing club. I ended up being offered an extension on the grant. I have to be honest, even in the midst of cleaning up our own finances and the present state of the economy, I cried. I had a plan to get my life in order and now I was going to be employed? I know I sound ridiculous, but haven't you ever looked forward to a fresh start? Anyway, I decided that I had already joined that novel writing club so I was going for it and I did. I wrote 50.000 words about a fictional character based on my own experiences. Wow, it was therapy in a computer. I decided to take the Beachbody Challenge and go for it. I have lost almost 40 pounds and joined as a coach to help others do the same. I became a certified TurboKick instructor and plan to teach classes locally. I started cleaning out closest and getting rid of clutter. I started making to do lists every day and getting it done. I started to feel more alive than I had in a long time and the sense of accomplishment fueled my energy and desire to go after more.
I remember the day I found out my grant was extended. I fake smiled and walked to my office, put my head on my desk and prayed. Ok, it was a little choked up prayer. I remember telling God I was disappointed but I trusted He had the ultimate plan. I remember telling Him how I wanted to do all these things and I couldn't be a the mom I wanted going to an office every day and I needed to be home. I still remember the prayer I prayed in tears that night when I went to bed. I had been praying to be a stay at home mom since I was pregnant with Morgan. That would be 8 years of praying. A few weeks later I was contacted and offered a new job working in my home state, Kansas, and I now I work from my home office. I still stop and thank Him and feel moved that He is mindful of me.
What does this have to do with living a life on purpose? Sometimes we are so busy feeling sorry for what we don't have yet that we fail to live. We live in this semi (or fully) depressed life cycle that nothing makes us happy until we get what we think we need and we fail to live life. I failed to live life. I didn't have to wait to write that novel until I was laid off. I wrote it working 40 hours in an office a week with 4 kids and still managed to cook decent meals. I lost weight that first month still working full time in an office away from my home. God heard me 8 years ago. God heard me in November. I don't know his plan for me, but I trust his method.
I wonder how many times He urged me to live life on purpose and I just wallowed in pity and missed the beautiful moments because I was too busy waiting for something God said I wasn't ready for. I wonder where I would be now if I had spent every day believing I had a purpose and started going after my goals. I wonder where I would be if I tended my own grass instead longing for someone else's "greener" grass.
