I am a runner. Not a real runner, like an “I love it”
runner. Just run because my bucket list
has marathon on it and no, I won’t shut up about it until it’s over on June 8th.
Did I mention my legs hurt today? I am whining. Actually, I am not even talking
about that kind of running. I run from
hard things which are way more painful than real running.
Here's a picture of me with my running partner, my mom, after a long hard run. I digress. Moving on.
Twelve years ago I was sitting in the car with Barney after
one of the most excruciating moments in my life. I was 21 and heartbroken,
devastated and dealing with emotions my heart couldn’t really handle.
“Can we move? I can’t live here. Weyerhaeuser has a plant in
Oklahoma, right? Its close enough to visit, but far enough away (too hide from
the pain). I am almost done with my Associates. I can get a job and find a
school.”
“Christi, we aren’t moving. I know what you mean but we
aren’t.”
“You are going to make me live here forever and I hate it.”
Silence.
The girls were dreaming about what college they wanted to go
to the other day. Haley wants to go to California. She loves outdoors,
sunshine, water she’s after the adventure. Lauren has plans to go to KU. She’s
also interested in following where my niece goes and California was an option.
She loves Izzy and looks up to her. They
have plans.
“You will visit us, right Daddy?”
Barney told them they should just go to the local colleges
so we could all be close and see each other every day. I piped in to tell them
to go and don’t look back. Immediately I felt the hurt in Barney’s voice.
“You girls should go. So you don’t feel stuck here.”
Ouch.
It’s not what I meant. I do know we are supposed to “be”
here now. I don’t hate it anymore. God has a way of showing you the good where you
think there cannot be any for you. I
would have missed out on some good friends.
Jonah didn’t want to go to Nineveh. He jumped ship, literally.
He tried to travel to the furthest distance without falling off the map. God
pursued him with a fish, swallowed him and took him where he originally called
him to. Jonah still grumbled, still
complained. He didn’t want God to have mercy on the people he didn’t like.
God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. Hosea's family life
reflected the "adulterous" relationship which Israel had built with
many other gods. The relationship between Hosea and Gomer, the prostitute,
resembles the relationship between God and his people.
Can you relate? I can.
Jonah is my Bible Study. I just finished a 14 Day challenge
called Pursued about Hosea. I was already reading a book called Not a Fan about
being a follower. I love how God works. I am running from where he called me,
want to be following where he leads me, and yet he still pursues me.
God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. She continues to be
unfaithful in the marriage. Hosea pursues her and brings her home. A fish
swallows Jonah because he’s running from the place God called him. Is it easy?
No. Do these guys put on their armor and march to the places they were called
and conquer them in one swing of the sword. No. It’s hard. It’s attached to
strong emotions. It’s not the ideal place. It’s not the ideal situation.
Yet, (I love that God always has a yet and a but) entire
cities are humbled and broken, turned to repentance and restored because of
these two guys. Neither task was easy or coveted by anyone else. Even Kings come off thrones to repent.
Who says “Yes, Lord I want to marry someone unfaithful” or “Yes,
Lord I want to go where people hate me and want to see my ruin”? Not me. I want to run.
Then we have Jesus, God coming to earth to die to redeem his
people. To die a death, he didn’t
deserve because he loves us when we are unlovable, unfaithful, hateful,
unworthy and the list goes on. There were no stories of him running. He came
down here to pursue us, to restore us, in the midst of people who hated him. He
was betrayed. He was broken. He stayed the course to the cross to redeem his
people. He taught us how to love our
enemies, to stand fast in a crumbling place, to love deeper, to forgive
quicker, to share generously, to be humble, and to face adversity with faith
because he knows that God has a plan bigger than the crisis or pain we are
suffering today. He knows.
I see a God that pursues me like a husband, he’s a savior
willing to pay the ultimate price, and has a plan bigger than my inconvenience
if I would just stop running.
Thank you, Barney. Oklahoma was where I wanted to physically
run. Lord knows I did all sorts of other running. Oklahoma would have been easier for me then.
God knew what I needed to grow, rely, trust, see and believe him. I had to
stand right here and be humbled and broken, led to repentance and loved on by
grace, so I could be restored. Ultimately, so that others can be restored. It’s
never about us. It’s about pointing them to Him.
May my life be an invitation to see you, Lord.
I don’t know what you are running from or what hard thing
God has called you to do. Maybe you are running from your marriage, running
from a church, running from God, running from the life you didn’t plan, running
from your past, running from your faith. I don’t know. I know it’s exhausting.
I am there and have been there and there and there and, well, all of those
places. Are you ready to stop running and just start following? I am.
He never said go figure it out. He just said go and he will
be with us until the end of the age. Maybe the place you don’t want to be and
people you don’t like are exactly what you’ve been called to. Can you imagine
your life, my life, bringing “kings” to repentance, changing the course of
history?
Here I am Lord, send me.
Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a
messenger to this people? Who will go for us?" I said, "Here I am.
Send me." Isaiah 6:8
