Come and See

I have had this blog rolling around in my head for quite some time. I have sat down to write it and I felt like God was saying I wasn’t ready to write it. The idea and theme were there but my heart was not in the right place to write it.

I got a new Bible at the beginning of the year. I called it my clean slate.  My prayer was that God would get rid of the “religious” stuff I knew and replace it with his heart.  Our community group bible study happens to be Jesus >Religion (I hope I got that right, I hated that little pac-man sign in school. I was like shouldn’t the arrow point and they were like no, the mouth bites.  Whatever.) I just wanted to know what Jesus said. I wanted to know what Jesus did. That’s it. I also happen to be reading a book by Shane Claiborne called “Irresistable Revolution”.

I am an absolute mess, a sponge, torn, wrestling, crying out to learn, hopeful, broken, and clinging to Jesus. It is beautiful.

I am wrestling with what I think I know and the truth that I am learning. I am a sponge for his words  and his walk. I am torn because I can’t get this religious robe off; sometimes it comes off the shoulders and gets caught at my waist. I am hopeful that God is leading me and I am broken because I’ve missed the mark so many times. I cling to Jesus because he knows where he’s taking me and my heart is prone to get lost.

I am studying John with ten thousand other women through IF Equip (find them on facebook, also If Gathering).  Some days I feel like I am meeting Jesus for the first time and some days I wonder how I could read the scripture and never see before.

You ready for this? It blew my mind.

³⁵ Again, the next day, John stood with two of his disciples. ³⁶ And looking at Jesus as He walked, he said, “Behold the Lamb of God!”

³⁷ The two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus. ³⁸ Then Jesus turned, and seeing them following, said to them, “What do you seek?”

They said to Him, “Rabbi” (which is to say, when translated, Teacher), “where are You staying?”

³⁹ He said to them, “Come and see.” They came and saw where He was staying, and remained with Him that day (now it was about the tenth hour).

⁴⁰ One of the two who heard John speak, and followed Him, was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. ⁴¹ He first found his own brother Simon, and said to him, “We have found the Messiah” (which is translated, the Christ). ⁴² And he brought him to Jesus.

Now when Jesus looked at him, He said, “You are Simon the son of Jonah.^[a] You shall be called Cephas” (which is translated, A Stone). The following day Jesus wanted to go to Galilee, and He found Philip and said to him, “Follow Me.” ⁴⁴ Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. ⁴⁵ Philip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found Him of whom Moses in the law, and also the prophets, wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”

⁴⁶ And Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”

Philip said to him, “Come and see.”

⁴⁷ Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!”

⁴⁸ Nathanael said to Him, “How do You know me?”

Jesus answered and said to him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.”

⁴⁹ Nathanael answered and said to Him, “Rabbi, You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!”

⁵⁰ Jesus answered and said to him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.” ⁵¹ And He said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, hereafter^[b] you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man.”

Do you want to know what Jesus is doing? Do you want to know where Jesus is going? Can anything good come from this?

Come and see. Follow Me.

He already saw you under the fig tree. You don’t find him. He’s not a religion we find. He found us. He’s not a religion with explanation and rules. You just come and see. You follow him.

I was not allowed to date Barney. I was not allowed to talk to him on the phone, but I loved Barney. So I would read him Romans Road (Some of my friends know what that is J). I wanted him to say a prayer so I could put my “saved” sticker on him and present him shiny and new to my parents. I did present my shiny new ring and my mom had to take a bath. (They love him now and they like him more than me. Haha!)

In Christianese I was a backslider. I saw myself as a missionary dater (christianese and not the best idea). I was living in sin. I was quite happy and in love until God literally woke me up one morning and said, “I did not call you to be a loser”.  Let’s be clear. There is conviction. God does discipline his children. He does remind us of the good he called us to.

So I nudged Barney and said, “I can’t marry you unless you go to church with me tomorrow”.

“Well, I am not. I am Catholic.” (Back then I believed unless you came to Jesus through a prayer in front of a church or a rally, you were lost. I also believed as long as you did that, life was good. I didn't see the follow me.)

I called my mom and told her I was coming to church. I asked her to pray for Barney. He finally agreed because I was serious about giving the ring back. I went to pick him up the next day and in true Barney fashion he decided against it. I thought for sure sleeping by himself would give him the want to. J I was ticked and he knew it, so he got in the car.

“Just pray the prayer” is what I was praying. He didn’t that week or the next or the next several weeks.

JUST GO FORWARD ALREADY!! (More Christianese for you)

A few months later the engagement was off and Barney was sitting in jail for 24 hours. Devastating. Heartbreaking. I felt like the whole world was saying, “I told you so. That boy is just a walk a way Joe” (unless you listened to country music in the 90’s that was completely stupid to you and not funny.)

Barney met Jesus that night in jail. Not only did he ask him to lead him but he grabbed the kid next to him that just killed his best friend in a car accident and shared what he knew about Jesus. Together they prayed for Jesus to lead them.

I tried to force Jesus on Barney. Jesus can’t be forced. He doesn’t grab you and make you do anything. You want to know how he works? Come and see. Follow Him. Barney watched this Jesus for weeks. He heard his message. In his darkest hour, Jesus said “I saw you under the fig tree.” I saw you in that cell. He saw me, like the woman at the well, hiding at the noon hour.  He said,” worship me in spirit and in truth, this isn’t the life I chose for you.”  (He’s done that more than once for me.)

Here lies my struggle. I am not sure if you can see it, but it’s getting more and more apparent. Maybe it’s the finger prints and the cracks that are beginning to show. Maybe it’s the shaking and the cracking, but the glass wall between us and them has to come down.

We (Christians) stand on our side and call our sin backsliding. We call our sin forgiven. We call our Jesus loving. We say hate the sin and love the sinner, but we picket sinners. We say pick up your cross but the world sees picket signs pressed up against the glass. We say serve and love but don’t serve the sinner, you should have a right to not let them in your business. We say forgive seventy times seven because that’s what Jesus said, but we keep a label on people after they fall.

We are scared to love certain groups of people because of the religious people that may be watching. I know. I struggle (present tense) with this. We forget to take the board out of our own eye to get the splinter out of theirs. We shine a light on their label and cover ours with “love”. Love covers a multitude of sins, unless I feel like uncovering yours and launching it at you. I am guilty.

I am taking off this robe. My picket sign is down. My cross, my light is going on. My fists are going to pound that glass that separates us and them until it comes down.

Jesus, friend of sinners.  Jesus, friend of prostitutes, tax collectors and the like. Jesus, drawing a line in the sand and telling the religious without sin to cast the first stone. If I follow this Jesus, shouldn’t I be friends with them too? Jesus said find that person of peace. In every “us and them” is a person of peace, a person that has ears to hear and a heart that listens (that goes both ways).

I am a prevention specialist. I wondered how in the world I could ever use that to serve the Kingdom. I work with communities to change programs, practices and policies to change for the better around alcohol and drugs. We also tackle addiction, suicide prevention, bullying etc. You name it and I rally the people to do it. I talk to leaders, community members, parents, stakeholders, government officials etc. and together sit at the table and cause change in our specific sectors. People tell me no and people join the party. We just keep moving.

Today that light came on. We cannot change for the better as a community of Jesus followers until we change our practices and policies. We all have sectors (parts of the body) that we can cause change.  God keeps putting those kinds of Followers in my path. The wall is coming down.

I read this quote from our Bible Study book and it rang through my head for weeks.

“While the blood is on our hands, Jesus’ perfect sacrifice calls out for our innocence. Free to go. Not guilty”...

That’s how I want to see other people. In the midst of their sin, (because Lord knows I struggle with my own) Jesus in his sacrifice, is crying out for their innocence.

I don’t have to “fix” anyone. You want to know this Jesus I love, this Jesus that loves you, this Jesus that took the sin of the world and placed it on him in your place?

Come and See. Jesus doesn't need me to fight for him. He didn't need Peter to cut off the soldiers ear before he was arrested. He just asked me to follow him, take up my cross, and let my light shine.